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Kraahk

DERGS-2020 Health Alert & Guideline for Crows

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Posted (edited)

DERGS-2020 Health Alert

Due to a recent massive increase of Infected players all around the world, the university of clinical owl research (CoR) recognises the urgent need to issue a health alert, to inform the public about the recently detected DERGS-2020 virus.
 

Summary

Latest scientific reports seem to indicate that DERGS, more casually known as Crow Sickness (medical term: Waitophobic Turnandturnandturnaround Fatality, WTF), is basically caused by Crows spinning their head around in and about the dregs and according guild vs. guild phantasies over and over again, until severe damage is issued to their neural systems.

The virus, leading to DERGS, can survive on the surface of any computer peripheral for months and may spontanously cause shock symptoms, if the patient is already weakend by severe news deprivation.

While DERGS is very contagious, it is non-lethal. It also has been reported that some Crows in highly infected areas have not been affected at all. Observations of Crows in the wild suggest that about 5% of the population is immune or develop resistance before the virus takes it's toll.

A cure is in development and will be distributed soon™.
 

Travel Information

Increased risks due to travelling are not indicated. Especially visiting campaign worlds seem to strengthen the immune system and even alleviate most of the symptoms, if already infected. The public is called up to remain calm and travel worlds in the usual chaotically balanced order.
 

Symptoms

The symptoms of DERGS come in a wide variety, partially contrary to each other, vastly complicating a final diagnosis.

Intensely affected Crows are often found to suffer from anxiety in a degree that partially impaires their motor functions, the ability to express themselves in comprehensible sentences and can cause obsessive behaviour, like chronic meme production or cumpulsive repetition of the word DREGS orally and in writing; on rare occasions all-out insanity.

In minor cases, the patients feel an itching sensation or temporary jerk seizures.

DERGS can also cause lethargy, up to depression and self-isolation, raising the estimated number of undetected cases significantly.
 

U5uzg8r.jpg

 

Medical Treatment and Prospective

If you feel any symptoms, please do NOT approach your local developer or distributer without further medical advice. First Aid is provided by local support groups all over the world (International/English, Russian, French, Hispanic, Italian, Portuguese) or in the CoR Headquarters

The Insitute of Advanced Cure Economics (ACE) is currently developing the andidote CW-5.110 and is beginning to test it on caged laboratory rats, isolated in a small office in Austin Texas. While these news offer hope, Crows in Not-Texas need to remain cautious about counterfeit medicines, like other games, fake news and overambitious crowestimations.

Once the clinical tests have been finalized, within the next few weeks, the antidot will be distributed to the population in batches.

We are confident that the current outbreak will be fully under control within the next 3-6 months.
 

 

We would like to thank the doctors, scientific assistants and patients @Dern @Staff @dreaden @coolster50 @Sharkbait for their shared experiences and the concerned Citizen @Praemus who brought our attention to the necessity of providing an educational brochure about this topic yesterday.

Have fun, good luck
Dr. Kraahk
KH0kWAt.jpg

 

Edit: Partially adjusted to comply with some obviously existing and fully understandable sensitivites about a horrific real world situation, which this posting is in no way meant to make fun about. My thoughts are with all who got affected by real diseases, be it as patient or family member. To all the others, keep save, take care, don't panic and ask for help if necessary.
This is a purely fictional work, meant to approach some rising behaviours from stressed-out playtesters, who can't wait to get 5.110 (including me), that start to feel like a sickness, and to offer one little way to release some of the regarding tension. Thanks for your understanding. Kraahk

Edited by Kraahk

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1 hour ago, VaMei said:

I think we know who won the forum today. 👏

i gave it my best attempt but my drawing skills will not win me the grand prize today


hoayaga2.jpg

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6 hours ago, Kraahk said:

We are confident that the current outbreak will be fully under control within the next 3-6 months.

Oh no.

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Anhrez: no pressure ... but Pann can you let Todd know that if we get the patch today the studio might be able to claim it released 5.110 as a their way to support the pandemic response. keeping ppl inside and away from others till the response catches up

Pann: Remember that time I said no? This is another one.

Valerie "Pann" Massey, Director of Community
 

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Seems like fake news to me.  Never trust an Owl, they aren’t crows. 


40 minutes ago, Andius said:

W/HoA were held up as like these mystical forces of highly skilled players with legendary theorycrafters chained to a desk in some deep dungeon holding all the arcane secrets we could use to win if only we knew them.

wiDfyPp.png

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Self-diagnosed-I definitely have it. I think another symptom is conspiracy theories.

Today is Saturday. it's the seventh day of the week. If you add up the numbers in the 5.110 patch, it's(wait, let me check my math...) SEVEN! BOOM! Oh, by the way, today is March SEVENTH! Today MUST be the day!! (Please please please please please!)

P.S. What does it say about my life that I am this anxious for a PATCH on a Test Server?! Sheesh!

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Doomshadow said:

Self-diagnosed-I definitely have it. I think another symptom is conspiracy theories.

Today is Saturday. it's the seventh day of the week. If you add up the numbers in the 5.110 patch, it's(wait, let me check my math...) SEVEN! BOOM! Oh, by the way, today is March SEVENTH! Today MUST be the day!! (Please please please please please!)

P.S. What does it say about my life that I am this anxious for a PATCH on a Test Server?! Sheesh!

They don't work weekends, except Gordon...  and release week.   We never get anything on Mondays, so redo your math's to make it 10, 3/10 is the next possible DERGSday.

 

 

Edited by Frykka

6FUI4Mk.jpg

                                                        Sugoi - Senpai

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